No One is Coming to Save You
You’re on your own, friend
No one is coming to save you is my favourite quote in the mental health sphere.
I first heard it in Nathaniel Branden’s groundbreaking book “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem”. The psychologist explains that mature and emotionally healthy people never rely on outside circumstances to succeed or feel good.
They are proactive and ask for the things they want with confidence.
Mature people do not wait for others to ‘change’ so they can give them what they’ve always needed from them: love, attention, respect, etc.
Branden says maturity is in realizing you have all the control to change your circumstances. No one can create a new reality for you. That’s because no one knows you as well as you know yourself.
How does this mindset apply to those of us raised by narcissists?
It applies to us in the sense that, we cannot wait around for our narcissistic parents to give us what we never got from them. That means either unconditional love, validation, respect, or healthy communication.
You can’t expect your narcissistic parent to suddenly develop empathy for you and come over to your place with a bowl of hot soup when you’re sick.
That will never happen. Imagine a personality-disordered individual doing something for another person out of the kindness of their heart.
What kind of fairy tale is that?
Narcissists (especially malignant ones) will never show empathy for others, even if it benefits them. They can’t fake empathy to the point where it’s believable. If your disordered parent does something nice for you it is usually because she/he wants something in return.
Truth is, we are all on our own.
Whether we were raised by narcissists or not, we can rely only on ourselves. This means that we need to stop waiting for the bank to approve a loan for us to buy that house and start creating passive income to buy the crib with cash. Or break up with a toxic partner after them promising to change for the tenth time and failing at keeping said promise.
Or go no contact with a narcissistic mother because you have tried everything to make it work with her.
You know that keeping her in your life is damaging to your health.
Maybe you want to draw a business plan and start making your own money, instead of relying on a job.
Remember that no one cares about your needs the way you care about them. The only person who will be affected by the choices you’re making is you.
Not your parents, friends or grandparents. You are the one who needs to suffer the consequences of entering a toxic relationship or letting your narcissistic parents bulldoze all over you.
So choose to help yourself. Choose to save yourself from whatever bad situation you’re currently in. You deserve to be happy.
