The Difference between Self-Love and Narcissism
Don’t be afraid to love yourself. You will heal the wounds that narcissists are not able to heal.
Narcissism is not having too much love for oneself. People often believe this and it’s wrong. If narcissists loved themselves, they wouldn’t need to tear others down to feel good.
Self-Love
Self-love is the relationship you have with yourself, with your inner being. That means, your emotions, feelings, thoughts, beliefs, dreams, intentions, etc. People who love themselves use their relationship with their inner being to cope with life’s struggles.
They know how to soothe themselves after a breakup, they stand up to bullies, they have boundaries and lead a fairly balanced life. Moreover, they know themselves and their needs.
When they’re afraid, for example, they identify their need. The need to feel safe or OK with themselves. Then, they take action to satisfy said need. They don’t ignore their needs or hide their true self from others. They are OK with who they are and how they are feeling.
When they make mistakes, they tell themselves it’s OK. Mistakes are part of life. There’s nothing to freak out about it.
Narcissism
Narcissistic individuals cannot and will not love themselves. They have gone through severe traumatic experiences as children. As a result, they have come up with a powerful survival mechanism: denying their true self and creating a fake self that is all-powerful and all-capable. This is the ‘mask’ that the narcissist is spotting with strangers or those close to him.
They use this fake persona to get love, attention and validation from others. It’s impossible for them to feel good on their own. They need other people’s help for that.
The fake self they developed in childhood replaced their emotions and feelings. Due to this ‘self’, they can’t feel grief, resentment, humiliation, dissappointment or any other emotion that makes them vulnerable.
That is why, a narcissistic person cannot have a relationship with their inner being. They don’t know they are a whole person due to their fake self. How can one love someone who doesn’t exist? It’s impossible.
We only love people who are present in our reality. People who have a relationship with us and make us happy.
Narcissists are separated from their emotional world and from the inner world of other people, too.
Conclusion
Don’t confuse someone who truly cares about themselves and, as a result, treats others well with a narcissist. A narcissistic person hates themselves and has denied who they are due to early trauma.
Learning how to love yourself is a worthy ideal. It’s not going to happen overnight but have patience. Take small steps to loving yourself and you’re going to get very far in your healing journey.
