The Making of the Golden Child
Golden children are also abused by narcissistic parents
Siblings in a narcissistic family unit are not equal. Some are victimized, others are pedestalized. The most unfortunate ones are made to feel like the family’s butt jokes.
A narcissistic family puts their children in certain roles. These roles are encouraged by the narcissistic parent and the goal is to help the parent be validated, seen and beloved.
The scapegoat and the golden child of a dysfunctional family help fulfil this ‘unspoken’ agreement. As a scapegoat, your role is to keep the family dysfunction under the proverbial rug and take on the blame for everything wrong that goes on in everyone’s life.
The golden child has a different role. They are responsible for shining a positive light on the family through his or her accomplishments or qualities. If the golden child is talented and has a reasonable amount of success, the parent will attribute that success to them and how they raised them. (which is unfair but an abusive parent doesn’t care about ‘fair’)
Why does the golden child comply with this role?
The golden child is groomed to be the family’s prize at a young age.
When they are old enough to realize they are being manipulated or abused, they have to make a decision. Do they go against the parent and try to escape the faulty system they were born into? Will they be believed by the people outside the family? Will they have the social skills to survive in the world?
Will other people bend so easily to their will as narcissistic parents do? (those who can’t say ‘no’ to them for fear of losing the narcissistic supply)
The answer might be no. Sure, a golden child might escape and break free. However, one who was born and lived around narcissists their entire life might not want to choose a different lifestyle.
If gifts, attention, admiration and ‘love’ (or the type of love they think they get from their dysfunctional parent) come so easily to them within the family system, they wouldn’t want to sabotage that.
So they stay. They choose the golden child status, to the detriment of the other sibling, the scapegoat. They accept to live in a system where they are being praised, while another sibling is being punished and suffers a great deal. (which leads to them becoming narcissists and demeaning others to be accepted by the dysfunctional parent)
Thus, they stay in the role because it is easy and because they don’t need to fight the narcissistic parent, their family and perhaps the entire society. Or maybe they don’t know better.
I don’t have any resentment for my brothers who are both our family’s golden sons. They chose our family’s dysfunction over a relationship with me.
I hope they can live a peaceful life despite their choices.
