The Narcissist is Desperate to Keep You in Their World

Marlena Eva
3 min readMay 15, 2024

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And they’ll make you feel like you cannot leave

Photo by Nugroho Wahyu on Pexels.com

I recently learned something about narcissistic people that kind of disturbed me. Narcissists create a fantasy reality for you to exist in but it’s a reality that keeps you emotionally and physically trapped.

Let me explain.

First, let’s understand a narcissistic person’s mindset.

A narcissist thinks they can only survive if they have someone in their physical reality to help them cope with their ‘disability’ which is their narcissistic shame. At the core of the narcissist’s psyche is ‘shame’, and this feeling was triggered by a childhood of emotional, physical and/or sexual abuse.

Narcissists don’t go to therapy so they’re forced to live with an unbearable feeling of shame in their mind, body and spirit. This shame creates hate and disgust towards their personhood. I don’t think there is someone out there who hates themselves as much as a narcissist.

To cope with this amount of hate, shame and disgust for who they have become as a result of their past abuses, they need ‘partners in suffering’. In other words, they need people to do the ‘dirty’ work of distracting them from their pain. These people are called ‘narcissistic supplies’.

For them, you are exactly the tourniquet they would use to stop the blood from spilling out of a wound on their leg. If someone comes and takes away this tourniquet or knocks them down and creates further injury to the leg, wouldn’t they be in the right to retaliate? Wouldn’t it be justified for them to hate this individual for causing further physical pain?

It would because we’d all hate someone who caused us a physical injury for no reason at all. And breaking up with a narcissist is felt more like a physical injury.

Do you see why the narcissist will do anything in their power to keep you trapped in their matrix of doom and gloom? They need you into their dark, hollow world and they would go as far as to paint this world in rainbow colours for you to minimize your pain and continue to put up with their ‘bulshit’.

But please remember one thing: if you cannot leave them, at least know that what the narcissist does is not about you. It is about them and their hellish existence. They have chosen the dark path in life: to prey on vulnerable people to prop themselves up.

They think that if they make you feel bad or worthless even if for a minute, they’ll forget how worthless they feel about themselves. For just a minute, they will feel good and like they matter.

However, this is not how the world works. We are not supposed to ‘use’ people to heal our emotional or mental injuries.

The narcissist thinks their partner has ‘magical’ abilities to heal them by just being present in their suffering. He or she believes that if they get upset, the partner needs to wave their magic wand and take the pain away.

(and when they don’t, the narcissist retaliates)

It is a fairytale that has no roots in reality. People should not be responsible for our emotions. Others don’t cause emotions in us because they don’t live inside us, pulling at our heartstrings.

Unfortunately, a narcissist relies entirely on their victim to do their emotional regulation because they’re unable to do it themselves.

This is crazy making behavior and you should stay away from it.

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Marlena Eva

MA in Social Psychology. Freelance Writer. Poet. Writes about: narcissism (NPD), relationships, mental health.